Commentary: Learn from my mistake, don't drink and drive.

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Jamahi Prado Cuevas
  • 377 Medical Group
KIRTLAND AIR FORCE BASE, N.M. --  I try to look sharp with a nice haircut and a well-fitting uniform when I step to the lectern to make remarks. It could be about anything; get your flu shot, donate to Combined Federal Campaign, but this is a "don't drink and drive" message.

The holidays are approaching, but this isn't the same old first sergeant or senior non-commissioned officer safety briefing. I'm a young Airman, holding up an Airman's Battle Uniform with Senior Airman stripes. This had been my uniform. Those had been my stripes. Now standing before this audience, this A1C explains how I did the unthinkable and got behind the wheel of a car drunk.

It was July 5th, I had received hundreds of safety briefings in my short career, and surely had gotten one before the holiday weekend, yet leaving a party, I didn't have a designated driver. I had my recall roster, I had the Airman Against Drunk Driving number, 505-853-8888, and I knew my supervisor would have gladly come and gotten me, but I chose to drive anyway.

I was near my destination when I swerved and lost control.  I crashed and wrecked my car. Clearly intoxicated and still not thinking rationally, I fled the scene of the crash and thought I had avoided detection.  I hadn't. Moments later I was arrested in my driveway. I was charged with driving under the influence, reckless driving, and damage to city property. I found myself handcuffed, arrested, and on my way to jail. I realized my life would never be the same.

I thought about my series of mistakes. This decision didn't happen all at once. My behavior had been heading down the wrong path for about six months. Despite my appearance at work, I was suffering from depression at home. Rather than seek help, like my supervision had briefed time and time again, I began drinking heavily at home alone. I thought about that now in the stinky, nasty backseat of a cop car. I thought about my reputation, my Air Force career, and all the people I had let down. I realized I could have killed or altered someone's life forever. I was full of regret. It was too late now. The damage was done.

"Thank God I didn't hurt anyone," I thought. "Thank God no one was killed."

But there's still a price to pay.

"Why didn't I listen?" I thought. "How could I have been so stupid?"

None of it mattered now as I processed through central booking and my finger prints taken.  I assumed my life was over.

As I reflected on the consequences of my actions I thought about my loss of credibility. Rightfully so, I was embarrassed and still am. When I walk down the hallway at work I recognize the avoidance in people's eyes. I know I have lost important friends and have let the whole team down. I rely on people for transportation and am painfully aware that others pull more than their fair share at work while I attend treatment meetings, court hearings, community service, and probation evaluations. How could this be? Airmen are supposed to be heroes, not criminals, yet this is my new reality.

When most people can't stand to think of public speaking, I try to tell this story calmly and professionally. I only wish I had had this type of courage before I screwed up.  It's not easy, but if I can show one person the truth and stop them from making the same mistake, it's worth my shame. I know my future is uncertain and that in these times of force shaping I am lucky to still be employed. I am grateful to serve each and every day, even though now my service has changed and I am still at risk of being kicked out.

It cost me about $10,000 in fees. My driving privileges were revoked and my insurance went through the roof. Now I have to blow into a Breathalyzer to start and drive my car, and while this is embarrassing, I hope people who see it know that this is reality. Drunk drivers get caught, and it will change your life forever. More importantly, what gets me the most, is knowing I could have killed or harmed someone else as a result of drinking and driving.

I attend meetings with victims of drunk drivers. The look in someone's eyes who has had their loved ones ripped away is unforgettable.  To know what I did is the reason they are in a dark place in their life and can't get their loved one back makes me feel horrible every moment of my life. There are lot things to be sorry about, but being caught and punished for drinking and driving is not one of them.

I knew my supervisor would have helped me before this happened, but I could not have imagined how helpful she was after as well.  She accompanies me to events like this commander's call where I tell my story to stop others from making the same mistake.

I encourage Airmen to use resources like Military One Source, the Mental Health Clinic, or the Chaplain Corps.  If I had used these resources before, or come to my supervisor with my issues, I wouldn't be in the situation I'm currently in.

Whether it's relationship issues, money, family, or just the military life in general, seek help please. There are resources out there, some are confidential and they will help you.

Airmen are to have a plan before they drink and if their safe driver falls through, the first sergeant or Airman Against Drunk Driving are there to assist. It's not enough to have the 505-853-8888 number in your phone. You have to use it.

For more information on programs available, contact the Airmen and Family Readiness Center at 505-846-0741, Military One Source at 1-800-342-9647, or click on the Wingman Plus Icon on your government computer's desktop.  Chaplains are a confidential source of counseling and can be reached 24 hours a day by calling 505-846-5691 during duty hours, or through the Kirtland Command Post at 505-846-3777 after hours or on the weekend.